BITCHEATER
Worship Of Satan
(Bestial Invasion Records)
48:40min

At the time of this writing, finding information about BITCHEATER is like searching for a LeMarchand Box at an ABBA convention. Nearly non-existent. So I’ll just write what I know after listening to “Worship Of Satan”. Both the album cover art and the title suggest possibly a War Metal or Black Metal delivery. The band name suggests who knows what. “BITCHEATER”? Um… ok. But I wasn’t prepared for what they actually sounded like. And to be honest, I don’t even know if it’s a “they”. BITCHEATER could only be one guy (BITCHEATER is the new band of Yasuyuki Suzuki of Japan’s ABIGAIL, BARBATOS – Frank). I honestly don’t fucking care. What I do know is… “Worship Of Satan” is a hot fucking mess. As I write this two days before Christmas, all of my Christmas spirit has been sapped… annihilated… completely destroyed. The first track ‘Bitcheater’ honestly isn’t that bad. It has a late 70s Hardrock vibe that Ace Frehley could have easily sung in a cracked-out haze. But it all goes south from there. ‘Fae East Black Phantom’ starts to show the band’s true colors. The guitars act like the drums are in another room. And the vocals sound like a screeching chicken in the oven. ‘Evil Night’ (what an original song title… sigh) doesn’t really sound any different. Yet the vocals are scratching their fingernails down the chalkboard of my soul to the point I need a few shots of grain alcohol to ease my pain. ‘Satanikhaoslaughter’ sounds like the title a band like MORBOSIDAD might think of. But dammit, unfortunately it’s not. By now, halfway through this misery, I’m seriously considering scooping out my eardrum with a rusty grapefruit spoon. I’m not going through the rest of the album song by song. Just know that the vocals get more annoying, the guitars and drums still can’t keep time with each other and I question my very reason to exist as the minutes of my life tick by. But alas, I listened to this more than once, which is two times more than I should have. My life is going well. I mean, there’s nothing at the moment to bring me down these days. But this… this album… this sleazy, plodding, disorienting mass of vile, sloppy songwriting and cringe-worthy vocals make me want to bitch-slap my own Christmas tree. For more information (and there is little at the moment), check out www.facebook.com/bestial-invasion-records-247631521920716

David Simonton

David Simonton

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