R’lyeh, December 2012: Deep down in the boundless depths of the sea the great Cthulhu summons his minions to the enormous conference chamber. Formless beings, grotesquely disfigured and appalling creatures slither and creep from all corners of the hidden city to heed their master’s utterings. Amongst them is one human being, Abdul Alhazred XXVI, who works as Cthulhu’s scribe and translator and kindly supplied the following transcription protocol to my humble hands via his secret office somewhere in Damascus. Note: Yes, they got email down in R’lyeh, but only Abdul can read the unspeakable language from down under… The Great Cthulhu (further on referred to as TGC): “Hey foul minions, you rotten and worthless bunch of beasts – I want to hear some new music on my (Ultra-ultra-ultra-ultra-sized – ed.) Beats headphones. Any recommendations?” Uncertain whispers are exchanged amongst his fellowship, but no one dares to speak up as Cthulhu’s wrath is terrifying and much feared. TGC: “What about the new MORBID ANGEL? Did not they put something out?” Terrified looks are exchanged between the minions until a small, still young one raises his voice: “Yes, they did a new album in 2011. It sucks ass!” TGC roares and twists with rage: “What you insolent little bastard breed?!? How dare you speak foul of my alltime faves? One wrong word and you’ll look like Little Nemo in a second!” Shivering, the little minion struggles for composure and under very suspicious looks of his fellows answers: “They do more like techno / industrial with some apologizing Death Metal elements thrown into the mix now.” The following enormous outrage by Cthulhu is not transcribed, but according to weather reports resulted in various tsunamis all across the globe. However, our dear little minion survived. Alhazred’s scriptures pick up at the following: TGC: “Now, after my fave band decided to commit itself to an eternity of shame, speak up, little minion – is there anything I, The Great Cthulhu, can listen to with pleasure?” Again, nervous looks among the minions, but our brave little minion is on fire and passionately reveals: “Yes, my lord and master, you should check out SULPHUR AEON, a trio from Germany. They have created a fantastic debut album after only a demo and 7” EP that sounds like a combination of the dark brutality of BEHEMOTH, MORBID ANGEL plus some DISSECTION or EDGE OF SANITY kinda melodies. It’s very good!” TGC: “Interesting, my little fellow, but isn’t BEHEMOTH a very big name you throw unto the table?” “Indeed, but due to its warm, powerful and natural sound SULPHUR AEON retains its underground charm while not being “underproduced”. Even Rock Hard Germany loves them and it is definitely not for softies! ” TGC: “Impressive, continue…” “It’s almost Chilean with its sinister yet brutal atmosphere and possessed vocals.” TGC: “Mmmmh…I like Chile – UNAUSSPRECHLICHEN KULTEN! Do you have a song I should check out?“ “Maybe try ‘The Devil’s Gorge’, it has a proper, memorable chorus, kick ass riffs, heaviness in spades and also a guitar part that reminds me of the section from 2min on in MORBID ANGEL’s ‘Eyes To See, Ears To Hear’. Also, some furious drumming yet also some slower passages is what you’ll get. Very diverse and not just like ten thousand other bands.” TGC: “Can I hear something please?” “Yes, the also very stunning ‘Inexorable Spirits’, just open that mighty laptop of yours and click here.” TGC: “Oh, I like! But you all know I’m a bit narcissistic due to that wonderful Mr Lovecraft’s books, so tell me: Do I appear on the album as well?” “Oh yes, my horrid overlord! The lyrics are very much inspired by your deeds and you are on the cover!” TGC (smiling, it looks disgusting but well what can you expect from an ancient monster’s smile): “How nice! Good lads! What am I doing on the cover?” “Well, it is extremely professionally drawn by Ola Larsson and is very accurate in its depiction of you sitting in your summer house and toying around with some ship and stuff.” TGC (even more hideously smiling): “How flattering! Ships, you say, like the Titanic?” “Yes, a bit so.” TGC: “By the way, does mankind still believe in the story with that iceberg?” Our little, young shoggoth is at loss for words, not knowing the details of the tale but looking on the faces of his fellow creatures he knows he tiptoed into highly sensitive territory. The elder minions start sweating darkened floods (sorry, Bad Kissingen for the high water in December) and look more and more frightened with every second as no one wants to end up in a Disney movie as a cute ‘lil fish. The eldest amongst them, a wise Elder God named Guga-Rath breaks the uncomfortable silence and answers: “Yes, they do!” The following, extremely massive outrage is again not documented but there are secret reports from governments worldwide that in this moment famous buildings like the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, the Great Wall Of China and many more simultaneously shook for 10 seconds, the Gizeh pyramide actually lift off one meter high – yet to prevent a panic, these horrifying events were of course not published in news programs. Alhazred’s writings afterwards are sketchy, yet the conversation seemed to continue as follows: TGC: “I did it with a fart! A fart! How should I know that I made the whole sea shake and shot an iceberg in that boat? Then they did one of world history’s most successful films and forgot me… that’s unbearable! These imbeciles. James Cameron, one day I will flood your villa!” Our little minion dares to interrupt Cthulhu’s anger and asks: “But… master, what about SULPHUR AEON?” TGC: “What about them?” “Did you like what I told you?” TGC: “Yes, yes I did, get me that record, wherever it was released, I need some proper Death Metal music after this horrible meeting!” And thus, our beloved little minion sent an email to F.D.A. Records to order CD and vinyl of “Swallowed By The Ocean’s Tide” and after hearing the whole record got promoted to “not so little minion” as Cthulhu considered it one of the strongest debuts in recent years and decided to rise from the sea to catch the band live one day… so, mankind, tremble in fear. Note @ SULPHUR AEON: Sorry for the delayed review, but Alhazred’s transcription took ages to arrive. www.facebook.com/sulphuraeon, www.fda-records.com